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Over the years I have come to see an important aspect of the reality of free will and how important the choices we make are regarding the expression of who we truly ARE as defined by our previous choices and how today’s choices determine who we are becoming as defined by those choices….in their aggregate and in their progression – or the differences in our choosing based upon experience, maturity, balance, and wisdom achieved by and in those choices. There is much to understand about such choices in that text that encourages us to embrace uncertainty as an adventure and experiment or learning/teaching process in all outcomes by choosing our way through uncertainty without any clarity as to the actual outcomes that may result. We can predict outcome probabilities but we cannot truly control or manage outcomes due to so many variables and outside influences that affect those outcomes.
I look forward to other views and a study of this premise: that we do not control events or relationships or even circumstances to any great degree, but we absolutely control our response to all those….and more. We are here to learn “response-ability”, or the skill of responding to whatever befalls us, comes before us, or happens around us. It is my growing conviction that this is the primary thing we are here to learn….to respond TO love and to respond IN love….no matter the who or what that happens next. We are taught that maturity and spirit progress is a function of both the quantity and the quality of choices made in this, and the next, life. We are to learn from our choices how to then make better choices…and we will repeat the same choices over and over until we get those right, or more right, to then face additional uncertainties….and new choices. While procrastination appears to be not making a choice, we are taught that it is a choice too, the wrong choice. Patience and timing, yes; procrastination, no. We must decide hundreds of times a day to choose this or that. Choices are like a river’s current to a boulder upon the river’s bottom – a relentless torrent.
(1300.2) 118:6.6 In the mortal life, paths of differential conduct are continually opening and closing, and during the times when choice is possible the human personality is constantly deciding between these many courses of action. Temporal volition is linked to time, and it must await the passing of time to find opportunity for expression. Spiritual volition has begun to taste liberation from the fetters of time, having achieved partial escape from time sequence, and that is because spiritual volition is self-identifying with the will of God.
(1300.3) 118:6.7 Volition, the act of choosing, must function within the universe frame which has actualized in response to higher and prior choosing. The entire range of human will is strictly finite-limited except in one particular: When man chooses to find God and to be like him, such a choice is superfinite; only eternity can disclose whether this choice is also superabsonite.
We can predict outcome probabilities but we cannot truly control or manage outcomes due to so many variables and outside influences that affect those outcomes.
I think the secret is to give up the idea of controlling these things. I believe that is the sentiment behind the statement: “There is but one form of prayer which is appropriate for all God’s children, and that is: ‘Nevertheless, your will be done.'” (146:2.12) One’s whole life should be a living prayer, don’t you think? Our responsibility is to do God’s will, right?
Bradly wrote:
I look forward to other views and a study of this premise: that we do not control events or relationships or even circumstances to any great degree, but we absolutely control our response to all those….and more. We are here to learn “response-ability”, or the skill of responding to whatever befalls us, comes before us, or happens around us.
Interesting topic! I agree with your premise, above. Early in my days of reading TUB for the first time, I was experiencing a lot of difficulty with a relationship at work. I found myself behaving in ways that I did not respect and always regretted afterward. At one point, due to the insights I had gained from TUB, I decide to try an experiment. I decided to try one of only 2 responses to whatever happened: Love. or Restraint. I decided that one of these two responses (or both, together) could get me through any interpersonal difficulty that I may encounter.
Almost a year later I am still doing this ‘experiment’ and I find it has really improved my satisfaction with the way I respond to difficult situations.
So, yes, I believe that one of the main things we need to learn in life is appropriate and loving ways to respond to things, without needing to control the outcomes. I also agree with Bonita that our ultimate goal in life is to understand and carry out God’s will; but I see that as a more advanced step in our ever-evolving cosmic mindedness. For some of us, just learning to control our responses to our fellow brothers and sisters is a good first step!
When I was younger I used to always walk away from difficult people/relationships. Sometimes I do now too, but not without trying the positive and righteous approach first. If I’m unable to master the situation on a higher level, then I’m outa there. Just a quirk of my personality. I can only try to be righteous for so long, then I give up. Probably not a good thing, I guess.
Jesus explained that there were three ways to react in situations like this:
159:5.11-14 On this occasion he taught them the three ways of contending with, and resisting, evil:
1. To return evil for evil — the positive but unrighteous method.
2. To suffer evil without complaint and without resistance — the purely negative method.
3. To return good for evil, to assert the will so as to become master of the situation, to overcome evil with good — the positive and righteous method.
Indeed, Bonita! That very quote from TUB was one of my guiding lights as I meditated upon these issues. It was in accordance with those 3 options of reacting that I came up with my experiment, cross-referenced as follows:
1. (return evil for evil) – UNACCEPTABLE therefore not considered
2. (suffer evil without complaint or resistance) is what I called “Restraint”
3. (return good for evil) is what I thought of as the Love response.
And yes, sometimes one just has to walk away. I have used that one, too.
Thanks Keryn and Bonita!!
The thing that was a great obstacle to me was my emotional reactions – anger, hurt feelings, failure, despair, etc. – and the choices I made from these “feelings”. My “response” was so often counterproductive and ego centric…..my response was about ME and what I wanted. I was not acting with any true form of “response-ability”. I was my own victim. It seems the more we allow our emotions to determine our response, the weaker that response. We face choices every day that require the mind to think outside of its own perceived best interests to truly train the mind how best to respond to every day, as we walk by, choices I think.It seems the more we allow our emotions to determine our response, the weaker that response.
I agree with that but would add the word “undisciplined” in front of the word ’emotions’ in the sentence above. To me, the challenge is to train my mind to take a backseat to my spiritual leadings and thereby discipline my emotions so as to not react in anger or ego-protection. If we prevent our emotions, entirely, from influencing our choices I fear we become almost automatons/ robotic – which becomes problematic in our reactions to others’ pain and suffering …..
Hi Keryn….agreed. I don’t try to prevent any emotions, I feel them strongly still and many are enormously positive. I just think it important to not allow any immediate emotional reaction to drive choices. One must attempt to discern the motivation for all choices made and purify heart and mind in a way to manage the underlying reasons for the choices made. First, it takes some maturity and experience to acknowledge and recognize the reaction and then consider why that reaction came from that stimulus to better manage the choice mechanism and systems and change that impulsive reaction – it is not normal, in animal mind, to suffer an insult or attack without self defensiveness and counter-aggression. This is learned. We cannot blindly choose nor choose by reaction….choices should be deliberate and purposeful I think.
As we learn to manage and disperse the mind poisons and as we grow in the spirit, our emotional reactions also change….for the better. We are less volatile, take offence less often and less quickly, we are not controlled by the emoting of reaction….so we learn better to respond, hopefully in and with love, and then comes the fruits of the spirit which change our reactions and responses profoundly. The Master certainly felt emotions. The emotions are so human, but the higher emotions, those more angelic in nature, are never self centered nor defensive mechanisms. This takes time to master….or so I suppose as it still challenges me and I’ve been progressing along this priority for many years already with lots of room for improvements still.
(1101.1) 100:6.6 One of the most amazing earmarks of religious living is that dynamic and sublime peace, that peace which passes all human understanding, that cosmic poise which betokens the absence of all doubt and turmoil. Such levels of spiritual stability are immune to disappointment. Such religionists are like the Apostle Paul, who said: “I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else shall be able to separate us from the love of God.”
(555.3) 48:6.35 From them you will learn to let pressure develop stability and certainty; to be faithful and earnest and, withal, cheerful; to accept challenges without complaint and to face difficulties and uncertainties without fear. They will ask: If you fail, will you rise indomitably to try anew? If you succeed, will you maintain a well-balanced poise — a stabilized and spiritualized attitude — throughout every effort in the long struggle to break the fetters of material inertia, to attain the freedom of spirit existence?
(555.4) 48:6.36 Even as mortals, so have these angels been father to many disappointments, and they will point out that sometimes your most disappointing disappointments have become your greatest blessings. Sometimes the planting of a seed necessitates its death, the death of your fondest hopes, before it can be reborn to bear the fruits of new life and new opportunity. And from them you will learn to suffer less through sorrow and disappointment, first, by making fewer personal plans concerning other personalities, and then, by accepting your lot when you have faithfully performed your duty.
(555.5) 48:6.37 You will learn that you increase your burdens and decrease the likelihood of success by taking yourself too seriously.
(1108.3) 101:3.4 Through religious faith the soul of man reveals itself and demonstrates the potential divinity of its emerging nature by the characteristic manner in which it induces the mortal personality to react to certain trying intellectual and testing social situations. Genuine spiritual faith (true moral consciousness) is revealed in that it:
(1108.4) 101:3.5 1. Causes ethics and morals to progress despite inherent and adverse animalistic tendencies.*
(1108.5) 101:3.6 2. Produces a sublime trust in the goodness of God even in the face of bitter disappointment and crushing defeat.
(1108.6) 101:3.7 3. Generates profound courage and confidence despite natural adversity and physical calamity.
(1108.7) 101:3.8 4. Exhibits inexplicable poise and sustaining tranquillity notwithstanding baffling diseases and even acute physical suffering.
(1108.8) 101:3.9 5. Maintains a mysterious poise and composure of personality in the face of maltreatment and the rankest injustice.
(1108.9) 101:3.10 6. Maintains a divine trust in ultimate victory in spite of the cruelties of seemingly blind fate and the apparent utter indifference of natural forces to human welfare.
(1108.10) 101:3.11 7. Persists in the unswerving belief in God despite all contrary demonstrations of logic and successfully withstands all other intellectual sophistries.
(1108.11) 101:3.12 8. Continues to exhibit undaunted faith in the soul’s survival regardless of the deceptive teachings of false science and the persuasive delusions of unsound philosophy.
(1108.12) 101:3.13 9. Lives and triumphs irrespective of the crushing overload of the complex and partial civilizations of modern times.
(1108.13) 101:3.14 10. Contributes to the continued survival of altruism in spite of human selfishness, social antagonisms, industrial greeds, and political maladjustments.
(1108.14) 101:3.15 11. Steadfastly adheres to a sublime belief in universe unity and divine guidance regardless of the perplexing presence of evil and sin.
(1108.15) 101:3.16 12. Goes right on worshiping God in spite of anything and everything. Dares to declare, “Even though he slay me, yet will I serve him.”
(1108.16) 101:3.17 We know, then, by three phenomena, that man has a divine spirit or spirits dwelling within him: first, by personal experience — religious faith; second, by revelation — personal and racial; and third, by the amazing exhibition of such extraordinary and unnatural reactions to his material environment as are illustrated by the foregoing recital of twelve spiritlike performances in the presence of the actual and trying situations of real human existence. And there are still others.
Outcomes is what decisions are all about. we take responsibility for both, at least we should. the ultimate choice/decision results in eternal life this is predictable-even inevitable
How about putting on facades to adjust or adapt to different interpersonal situations. Is it wrong to do so?
BB
Brooklyn_born wrote: How about putting on facades to adjust or adapt to different interpersonal situations. Is it wrong to do so?I think it’s basically dishonest. Facades are insincere and we know that the keys of the kingdom of heaven are: sincerity more sincerity, and more sincerity. (39:4.14)
That being said, I think that it’s okay to have different kinds of behavior for different types of situations. In other words, you’re not going to act like you’re out with the guys when you’re having lunch with your boss. That doesn’t mean that you’re two different people in those situations. It just means that your behavior adjusts to the situation. I think that if you become a different person to please or impress someone or masquerade as someone you’re really not, then you’re not being sincere and that is a kind of untruthfulness, essentially a living lie, which causes personality conflict eventually leading to instability and unhappiness.
Brooklyn_born wrote: How about putting on facades to adjust or adapt to different interpersonal situations. Is it wrong to do so?I think it’s basically dishonest. Facades are insincere and we know that the keys of the kingdom of heaven are: sincerity more sincerity, and more sincerity. (39:4.14) That being said, I think that it’s okay to have different kinds of behavior for different types of situations. In other words, you’re not going to act like you’re out with the guys when you’re having lunch with your boss. That doesn’t mean that you’re two different people in those situations. It just means that your behavior adjusts to the situation. I think that if you become a different person to please or impress someone or masquerade as someone you’re really not, then you’re not being sincere and that is a kind of untruthfulness, essentially a living lie, which causes personality conflict eventually leading to instability and unhappiness.
It goes back to the question I asked you in another thread about placating to a friend to maintain the friendship. So you are saying to be honest no matter what the situation, even if it means you will constantly find yourself offending people?
BB
Brooklyn_born wrote: So you are saying to be honest no matter what the situation, even if it means you will constantly find yourself offending people?I said that if you have to put on false fronts to maintain your relationships, you’re being dishonest and insincere. A mature person should be able to find a way to be honest without offending. It’s a skill we’re supposed to learn, and I admit, it does not come easily. Some people are born diplomats and others have to learn it. But you should always be genuine, be real, bring it from your heart as kindly and lovingly as you possibly can and then let the chips lie where they may while the Spirit of Truth does his own work.
Here is a quote that describes the use of spiritual discernment when relating to others. It is not asking you to be false or dishonest, it is asking you to be wise.
180:5.5 The golden rule, when divested of the superhuman insight of the Spirit of Truth, becomes nothing more than a rule of high ethical conduct. The golden rule, when literally interpreted, may become the instrument of great offense to one’s fellows. Without a spiritual discernment of the golden rule of wisdom you might reason that, since you are desirous that all men speak the full and frank truth of their minds to you, you should therefore fully and frankly speak the full thought of your mind to your fellow beings. Such an unspiritual interpretation of the golden rule might result in untold unhappiness and no end of sorrow.
Hello Nelson and BB…thanks for joining in. To your question BB….I think you ask two questions in one. Honesty in our opinions about other’ situations, priorities, and choices is different from a consistent presentation of ourselves in all situations. The Master had a unique relationship with every single person he encountered and also with those who knew him well I think. He was always himself but was very situationally flexible and “in the moment”. He respected the customs and the beliefs of others without criticism or correction or honestly “correcting” others compared to himself. This is not a façade or fakery or flattery.
I find your question pertinent to the issue of response-ability. How are we to respond when faced with someone who’s disposition or perspective or actions are based on fear or hate or regret or other mind poisons – are we to point this out and share our beliefs or perspective to “help” them understand how the better to proceed? I doubt such a response will bear much fruit – to either party. We are to be caring and kind, patient and long suffering, and be a witness by our own demeanor and behavior of the spirit within. We cannot change another any other way I do not think. Even for those we care most about….wayward children, friends, co-workers, etc. We are admonished to be wary of false sympathy….sympathy for those who suffer by their own choices and priorities rather than from circumstances beyond their control. It does not help them and it can affect us and not in a good way. A most grievous truth for parents to suffer on occasion. We need not reject anyone to know we cannot truly change them either. I suffer still when my children and grandchildren suffer at their own hands and my response to that situation may bring some light into their world but I cannot make their choices for them and I must not resent their choices made either. It is indeed perplexing.
As Bonita says, sincerity is the key in every single response we have; that and love; and that going the highest up the ladder of the golden rule as we are able. Is the façade to deceive or take advantage? Or to be like a Roman when in Rome? I am reminded of how Jesus even could not change his Mother but remained devoted regardless of her choices and yet remained resolved and true to himself. Jesus did not spurn fools and neither did he suffer them for long. He forgave the repentant instantly and without guile or grudge, the unrepentant were mostly irrelevant to his life and his being. He forgave all manner of misunderstanding and lack of wisdom and wit and even attacks upon his person, but he did not try to “fix” everyone or every situation either. He moved forward into his daily choices and faced each moment with profound sincerity and love, allowing time and experience to “fix” everything according to the heavenly plan and God’s will with a wise patience.
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