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I have a cousin whose friends lost a married daughter in a tragic automobile accident in January 2017. The daughter dated her husband in college and they were on a Mississippi mission assignment. He says his friends are inconsolable and he asked me what the UB says about how to comfort them. The unfairness of life robbing seems so overwhelming. I offered my immediate recollection that the Father does not guarantee life to be fair, but does promise to go with us through life. I reminded my cousin that Joseph was suddenly lost in death and that Jesus and his family had to deal with that reality. (He is familiar with and has read Part IV. His father, my uncle, is a long time reader and still reads some at age 99.)
I am posting this request for your assistance. Could and would y’all help me find appropriate, synergistic, related UB teachings for those who find it difficult to accept sudden loss of loved ones? The current Undying Hope topic may be an appropriate discussion that I might recommend to my cousin. What is your take?
Such a sad story, and one I’ve heard so many times. Back in 2008 my best friend died rather suddenly. He was a widower and childless and all his close family had also passed. The coroner would not release the body until next of kin could be notified. Well, that took weeks. The only kin he had was a cousin in Utah who had gone into seclusion. Why? Because three months prior his wife and five kids were all killed in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. Needless to say, the poor soul could not deal with another death. He was barely holding onto reality as it was. When I heard that, I realized that no matter how deep my grief is, there is always someone suffering far worse. It knocked a little sense into me and put it into perspective.
Grief is real. It must be dealt with and it takes a lot of time. It’s a process, so grief should never be trivialized. These people need as much support as can be given them. That being said, if the grieving person can try to think of helping others, even for a few minutes a day, then the danger of personality isolation might be avoided. There is a danger in too much self-absorption with loss, and if there’s a way to help a grieving person dodge that black hole, it’s a real service. When to start such intervention is another question, one I don’t have the answer to. Each person is different. But the danger is real. I have seen people lose their minds over this.
When I was a eight my best friend’s little sister was abducted in the middle of the night from her bed. She was slashed, raped and buried alive. Turned out the father forgot to close and lock the back sliding-glass door. A twisted, glue-sniffing, drop-out teenager had been stalking her and waiting for a night when the door was open. Poor Papa ended up in an asylum . . . he never, ever was able to overcome his grief. It went way past grief all the way into self destruction. But that’s an additional problem, a problem of the inability to forgive oneself. The psyche, when traumatized, can go amok.
I have another friend whose cousins lost their only child at the age of 17 to melanoma. It’s been about a year and these folks are still having trouble socializing. They sold their house and no longer attend their church or even see their long standing friends and family. All they want to do is dwell on their loss. They believe their daughter is an angel now and they say she is coming to them in dreams, and leaving little spirit messages around for them, they even claim they feel her touching them. I don’t have the heart to refute any it so I told my friend to let them believe whatever they want as long as it’s giving them comfort. But there will come a time when they have to break from it and rejoin the living. My friend is working on it, since I’m not close to these people and she understands the dangers.
Mark, the image of Jesus holding up your cousin’s friends in his arms is a powerful one. Remember how he wept when Lazarus died? He weeps for and with all of us who grieve. There is no way to avoid death. It’s something every single one of us will face. How and when it happens is really not up to us, most of the time. Even Jesus couldn’t avoid his own death. But, if there’s a way your cousin’s friends can let Jesus have their grief for a short time each day while they go out and help someone else, or engage in a service activity, it will ease them immensely. They don’t have to give up their grief altogether. I don’t think they can; it will be with them for life. But it doesn’t have to always be front and center stage in their minds. Just hand over the burden to Jesus for a short time, but the time has to be right for that, so I don’t know what else to say.
Dear Mark,
Honorable, praiseworthy Mark counting as a cousin such a reaching out person.
Whom caring for his friend’sorrows.
As well your caring towards them.
As well Bonita’s kindly consolation, fruitfully observations over experientials situations.
You ask for help Mark and I will share my all-purpose solution.
Prayer.
Prayer in my sense is the action to turn to God. Every time I pray as lower or higher I can be, specifically lowest distress here, doesn’t need any prerequisite. You turn to God as you are right there, right now.
Avec affection,
André
Thank you André and Bonita. Very kind of you to comment. But, I would like for my cousin to read your suggestions of UB quotes, teachings that may help him minister to his friends. Could y’all be specific? This outreach is to benefit him and friends.
MK
Your cousin has a good friend in you Mark, this could help more than UB quotes.
personally I cannot think of quotes that address feelings, sometning that would help to feel better. More to do with the spirit and strengthening the personality and learning to deal with difficulties in a way that makes us stronger and wiser.
the “suffering” thread has quite a bit of this sort of thing.
I just did a quick search for “hardships”
there were many hits and here is one example:
(1223.4) 111:7.2 May I admonish you to heed the distant echo of the Adjuster’s faithful call to your soul? The indwelling Adjuster cannot stop or even materially alter your career struggle of time; the Adjuster cannot lessen the hardships of life as you journey on through this world of toil. The divine indweller can only patiently forbear while you fight the battle of life as it is lived on your planet; but you could, if you only would — as you work and worry, as you fight and toil — permit the valiant Adjuster to fight with you and for you. You could be so comforted and inspired, so enthralled and intrigued, if you would only allow the Adjuster constantly to bring forth the pictures of the real motive, the final aim, and the eternal purpose of all this difficult, uphill struggle with the commonplace problems of your present material world
Mark…what a caring friend you are! Time is short for me now, but I would direct you to the topic “Suffering” for additional comments and related quotes….one issue on that topic is the suffering from grief and loss…..and another issue is the value available in our suffering. I agree with Bonita’s comments….the bereaved must be personally and uniquely approached and comforted. It is so easy to sound dismissive or patronizing or aloof to the one’s deep in grief. Some may actually lash out in blame of God for such loss. Hopefully Andre’s sage advice of taking it to the Lord in prayer for consolation by the Son’s Spirit and the angels and God within is always good counsel.
Anyway…best wishes to all. I might mention that I posted there that I no longer grieve for the dead, no matter the age or circumstances….I grieve for those left behind in pain and loss.
I always enjoyed the parts in the UB that describe mortal death as a family/community “So long for now and see you soon” event in the glory days to come in L&L. We must all pass through the veil…and this life, no matter how time may seem to drag or stop, is so very brief if one believes in eternity, then it will NOT be long before we are reunited! And for so much longer next time! Something to look forward to. My grandchildren have been taught this wondrous gospel that death has no real grip or power…we shall see how they react when it’s my time to pass through this veil to the Mansion Worlds.
Here’s a link to “Suffering”:
Thank you André and Bonita. Very kind of you to comment. But, I would like for my cousin to read your suggestions of UB quotes, teachings that may help him minister to his friends. Could y’all be specific? This outreach is to benefit him and friends. MK
(2056.10) 193:4.12 As a result of his persistent isolation of personality, his griefs multiplied, his sorrows increased, his anxieties augmented, and his despair deepened almost beyond endurance.
(1740.4) 156:5.17 The measure of the spiritual capacity of the evolving soul is your faith in truth and your love for man, but the measure of your human strength of character is your ability to resist the holding of grudges and your capacity to withstand brooding in the face of deep sorrow. Defeat is the true mirror in which you may honestly view your real self.
And another:
(1776.2) 160:2.8 3. The enthusiasm for living. Isolation tends to exhaust the energy charge of the soul. Association with one’s fellows is essential to the renewal of the zest for life and is indispensable to the maintenance of the courage to fight those battles consequent upon the ascent to the higher levels of human living. Friendship enhances the joys and glorifies the triumphs of life. Loving and intimate human associations tend to rob suffering of its sorrow and hardship of much of its bitterness. The presence of a friend enhances all beauty and exalts every goodness. By intelligent symbols man is able to quicken and enlarge the appreciative capacities of his friends. One of the crowning glories of human friendship is this power and possibility of the mutual stimulation of the imagination. Great spiritual power is inherent in the consciousness of wholehearted devotion to a common cause, mutual loyalty to a cosmic Deity.
(1776.3) 160:2.9 4. The enhanced defense against all evil.Personality association and mutual affection is an efficient insurance against evil. Difficulties, sorrow, disappointment, and defeat are more painful and disheartening when borne alone. Association does not transmute evil into righteousness, but it does aid in greatly lessening the sting.
182:3.2 As Jesus awoke them, he said: “What! can you not watch with me even for one hour? Cannot you see that my soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death, and that I crave your companionship?” After the three had aroused from their slumber, the Master again went apart by himself and, falling down on the ground, again prayed: “Father, I know it is possible to avoid this cup — all things are possible with you — but I have come to do your will, and while this is a bitter cup, I would drink it if it is your will.” And when he had thus prayed, a mighty angel came down by his side and, speaking to him, touched him and strengthened him.
127:3.14 But Jesus would only say to his anxious and grieving mother: “Mother-Mary, sorrow will not help us; we are all doing our best, and mother’s smile, perchance, might even inspire us to do better. Day by day we are strengthened for these tasks by our hope of better days ahead.” His sturdy and practical optimism was truly contagious; all the children lived in an atmosphere of anticipation of better times and better things. And this hopeful courage contributed mightily to the development of strong and noble characters, in spite of the depressiveness of their poverty.
personally I cannot think of quotes that address feelings, sometning that would help to feel better. More to do with the spirit and strengthening the personality and learning to deal with difficulties in a way that makes us stronger and wiser.
I agree Gene. I think consolation works like forgiveness. You don’t really experience forgiveness yourself until you forgive others. I don’t think you can really feel consolation until you give it to others. Dealing with loss in a way that makes you stronger has to do with helping others with their loss. We just saw this in Houston and Las Vegas. The grief never goes away completely, but it is eased in this way.
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